Last night, or extremely early this morning, I had a brief conversation with an associate regarding his daughter. He mentioned that he was going to Virginia to pick her up so that she could drive him crazy. In my head, I laughed. The thought of him spending time with his daughter, hanging out, the beautiful young girl walking hand-in-hand with her father, lightened my spirit, at 4am. The vision kept me up at night, in contemplation. It is somewhat difficult to understand how great of a impact a positive father/male figure, as well as the lack of such, makes in a young woman's life, especially when people don't bother to try to understand. Personally, my father is present, in a way, but the situation is so manipulated and screwed up, sometimes I feel as if it would have been better if he were not in attendance. It's not about money, child support, or material things, but the relationship between and father and a daughter that will affect her for the rest of her life. I have not realized until my older years that the lack of a hand-in-hand relationship with my FATHER has impacted my relationships with people, especially men, my trust and interaction with them. I try not to let things bother me, remain passionate about the things I invest my time in, but I take the words of other at the price of face value. I understand that there is truth out there, I guess as a defense mechanism it's just easier for me to just not believe in others. Therefore, whatever happens to me, doesn't affect me much, because I hardly ever expect to much from people. I've always known the basic things: be independent, take care of yourself, never depend on a man for anything. But many of my relationships have indefinitely suffered, build on mistrust, fear, and/or the need for some sort of security. Now, all things considering, I've turned out to be pretty good: without children, in a great school, working, beautifully intelligent, and happy with my decisions and where I am in life to move forward. However, I believe that all it would have taken was a few more hand-in-hand walks in the park, father/daughter outings, and more natural love to soften the blow that has hit me pretty drastically.
I commend all men that have taken the responsibility, or plan to, to invest their time and love into their children, especially their daughters. Men and their sons, now that is an important relationship as well; however, there is something about a man and his daugher, the young spirit that should bring him peace and joy, that speaks to his heart, and demands for the care and attention of her father. I feel like as a father or a dad, his heart would be incomplete without the building of a relationship between himself and his seed. This lack of understanding or caring baffles me, and frankly angers me. Everyone loses. The child misses out on the greatness of someone investing their time with them, and the adult misses the opportunity to nurture a seed that is his own, and watch it grow. Now, me? I'm okay, like I said, I turned about pretty good, but things could always be better... My heart could always be better...
Song of the Day: Big Boi - Lookin' For Ya ... Check that out...
I absolutely love it! I talk about this all the time. A woman shows her love how she was shown by her father and a man shows his how he wasn't or was by his father. It is just a lose-lose situation. Mother's naturally are expected to show it that is why the father's love is a large factor. It took me a long time to understand me and my father's relationship.I had to begin to accept him as he was after a while. He is a makeup of his life circumstances which includes being fatherless. So he did his best. But always know that male emotion is a weird animal, waiting to be uncaged and ready to be loved as well. Unfortunately, society makes it stigmatized to uncage it so it creates more problems. But I def understand. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you in all aspects of this post. In the black community in particular, children lack a father figure more times than not. In my case, though my mother and father were together, his role in my life was more financial/living support versus a traditional father. I drew that experience from my grandfather and uncles just because my own father's job didn't allow the time. With that said, the impact he had when was around was significant enough to make an impression on myself in various aspects of being a man and fatherhood. Without him, yes I'm sure I would have been ok, due to my own personal characteristics, but I do not discount his presence at all. In the case of a young lady, I believe it is much more instrumental to have a father figure around. Though I am over 600 miles away from my daughter, I make sure I maximize the time I have with her, and also the consistent communication when I'm not physically present. I'm sure there would be nothing worse than me coming to see her, and she's not excited to see me. There's been times I've gone for 3 months without a physical visit, but everything remained exactly the same when I was finally present. The role of a father to a daughter, to me, is actually more instrumental than the mother daughter relationship as far as character building is concerned, along with relationship habits. Having a father figure around establishes that "one man" mentality, not necessarily to a submissive point, but from a monogamy standpoint. A father's discipline is also a key part, due to the nature of mother and daughter being better friends than parent and child. The same goes in reverse for the mother to son relationship. Having a strong mother plays a more instrumental role to a man than the father actually does. (no I'm not a mommas boy) But let me wrap up right here. I'm glad I was able to inspire you, and hope you have a great night.
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